Beware the Goths and the Nuns

This is an awesome flowchart...and if there's one thing in life that I appreciate, it's a good flowchart. I think of this as a nice companion piece to go with some of my friend Ben's antichrist-related posts.

Supergroup!

I turned my TV on the other day, and voila...a new guilty pleasure was discovered: Supergroup on VH1. I don't know whether my Tivo sensed that this show would ring my bell, or whether I had luckily been watching something else on the channel when last I turned off my TV, but let's be honest...this show reads as though someone greenlit it solely for my entertainment!

Let's meet the band members!

Sebastian Bach, vocals. Formerly of "Skid Row"... aka one of my favorite groups circa 7th grade




Jason Bonham, drummer. Son of the legend John Bonham. A lot older than I would have thought...what, was he like 20 when Zeppelin broke up?




Ted Nugent, guitar. Nothing more needs to be said...he is a legend, even after Damn Yankees.




Scott Ian, guitar. Formerly of Anthrax and every clip show about metal/rock shown on MTV or VH1 since 1990. Mysteriously, he never ages. Also seems like a geniunely nice dude.



Evan Seinfeld, bass. [cue the crickets] Formerly of Biohazard. Seriously VH1, this is the best you've got? His presence in the Supergroup will be explained shortly.


Five aging rock stars + one Las Vegas "group house" + 12 days to write new songs, pick a band name & promote yourself for an upcoming gig = hilarity. Actually, 4 of the 5 people in this band are relatively normal (that's including The Nuge). I'm giving Evan Seinfeld, seeming the junior member of the Supergroup, a pass because he brings something extra to the table: his porn star girlfriend. See, he's her manager, so she lives in the Supergroup house too so that they can continue to concentrate on their business when the band isn't working. Really, it's a very logical plan. Amidst this band of rockers, who then is the true standout you ask? None other than the man who brought you "18 and Life," the 6'5" mouth of rock himself: Sebastian Bach.

Now, if you find yourself a part of VH1's "Celebreality" programming, you probably should refrain from throwing stones. The exception to this reality TV rule is truly evident on this show. I believe it is Jason Bonham who states that Bach has "The emotional maturity of a six year old." Never is this more hilariously apparent than during the naming of the group. Pretty much everyone has decided that Godwar (it's Raw Dog backwards!) is a great name for the group (which it's not, but I digress)...then comes the dissention. Bach spends literally the next 3/4 of the show attempting to convince his band mates, their manager, the clerk at the liquor store and anyone else who will listen that "Savage Animal" is a much, much better name for the group. His method of persuasion is simply repeating it over and over with the glee of a middle-school kid whilst making "rock hands." It's awesome. (I won't ruin it for you by revealing the final band name).

In addition, he makes everyone watch his cameo on the Gilmore Girls. I kid you not, he shushes The Nuge during an episode of the FREAKIN' GILMORE GIRLS. He gets tanked and makes a huggy spectacle of himself to Scott Ian, and tries to hook his girlfriend up with Seinfeld's porn star girlfriend. Overall, it's pretty brilliant to watch old rock stars get disgusted with one of their own.

The actual playing of music on the show tended to be less interesting than the behind-the-scenes drama. Go figure. I can only hope that subsequent viewings of Supergroup hold up to that first magical, Tivo-blessed viewing.

Commercials That Piss Me Off

Maybe it's Tivo that's made me less tolerant of commercials recently, but there is one in particular that I hear every FREAKIN' morning on my way to work (it's a radio commercial) that makes me want to kill myself. It's almost enough to make me want satellite radio sometimes. I'm sure you've heard it...there a dramatic voice over accompanied by hipper-than-thou music waxing rhapsodically about how in California, at a bar, a distinctive beer is being served. In New York, at the same time, a mellow, tasteful beer is also being served. And the amazing thing is...it's the EXACT SAME BEER!

This is neither exciting nor amazing. It's a freakin' BUDWEISER product. Calling something distinctive, mellow and tasteful in the same breath is not all that unique...I'd say it's Beer Marketing 101. I don't know why I'm supposed to get excited about this...it's like getting excited about buying a Twinkie in LA and being amazed that the very same delicious Twinkie is available for consumption in Florida. For christsakes people...find a better marketing angle than that. It's called Interstate commerce and last I checked, it's been around a long, long time in the good ol' USA. Besides, Budweiser sucks anyway, regardless of the "Select Premium Extra-Special Dark Smooth Lager" label they may slap on it from time to time.

Unabashed Love for HBO, But...

Since there's nothing in the theaters I feel compelled to review at the moment, I've decided to turn my attention to my first and truest love....Television. I indeed have an unabashed love for the programming on HBO...I think it's some of the best stuff on television (see also FX). But the Sopranos season finale this week was WEAK. With a capital W. It's as if they had something explosive planned, but then heard from the net that they were greenlit for 8 more episodes and suddenly all of their ambition just melted away. For Christsakes, if I wanted a season finale that ended with a happy Christmas dinner scene, I'd have watched "The Waltons." Such a letdown. By the way, did the Christopher/Juliana hook up seem enormously contrived to anyone else? That's one thing this show usually stays well away from. Ugh.

On the other hand, the season finale of Big Love was BRILLIANT. That show has grown on me significantly, and now I'm totally hooked. The look on Barb's face when she was pulled off the Mother of the Year stage was horrifingly priceless. Looking at the season as a whole however, Chloe Sevigny deserves an Emmy. She's a genius as Nicky and has managed to nicely reverse the suspected career suicide that was The Brown Bunny. Cheers to her for taking on controversy. So, is Alby dead? What will the fallout be now that they've been discovered? Does the fate of the HomePlus empire stand in the balance? By the way, leaving someone in the hospital with a tag that says "Alby Grant - Drank Antifreeze" is not a good way to get someone medical attention.

Speaking of polgamists, my friend Susie was touring with a theater company for the last few months. Her troupe actually visted and performed at a Polygamist compound out west. According to her expert account, the clothes and wierd hairdos in the show are right on...but the place itself wasn't nearly as creepy as they had expected.

Omens That Your Movie Will Suck

Every time I think I've moved beyond my anger about the remake of The Omen, I'm confronted by something that reinforces how much this movie is going to suck, and I get all riled up again. This article is all about the "curse" that befell the filmmakers working on the flick. Can you say "lame, transparent publicity stunt?"

I also made the mistake of trying to watch the History Channel's multi-hour Demons & Curses Omen stunt a couple of weekends back. The first hour (to which I tuned in halfway through) was pretty cool. Lots of good history, interesting material, fun old paintings of demons and stuff...but it was obvious that whenever the producers had run out of interview footage or historical documents/pics to make their point, they used footage of some actor hamming it up as the Hypothetical Antichrist. Fine...if they had used it once or twice. But no. They used the same few shots of this guy in antichrist mode 2-3 times in the last half hour of show one. Moving on to hour two and...what's this?...oh no, it's Hypothetical Antichrist guy again! Seriously, this guy bookended nearly every commercial break. Enough fake antichrist already. I get it. Enough.