Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Those Crazy Brits

This is short, but it cracked me up. All hail the British Blog!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Public Humiliation, part 1

I watch American Idol...not religiously or fanatically (I'm looking at you, Slocum-Whittaker household), but I do watch it. Anyway, for my Idol-obsessed friends, here is a special treat. Some blogger hunted down as many contestant Myspace pages as he could find from the first couple rounds of auditions. Enjoy.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Two of the Four Horsemen


Every night when I'm driving home from work, my radio starts on DC101. They have a funny (although admittedly crass and shock-jocky) morning radio show that I happen to enjoy. Anyway, I'm going to have to start remembering to change the channel before I get out of my car in the morning so I don't get accidentally sucked into the ENORMOUS VORTEX OF SUCK that is any song by Fall Out Boy or My Chemical Romance. I've decided that these two bands are, in fact, two of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.

As my first piece of evidence, I shall point out the Wikipedia description of Fall Out Boy's music: alternative rock/pop punk/emo. Jesus what an abortion. All bands that call themselves "pop punk" should be summarily executed, poste haste. Second on my list of things I completely despise about FAB is their terrible, terrible music. Just when I thought that the seventy bajillionth play of that "Cock It and Pull It" song had completely exhausted their 15 minutes of flash-in-the-pan fame, they came out with "Dance, Dance." The worst thing about "Dance, Dance" is that it is not as terrible as their first song. It lures you in, making you believe for a short minute that maybe, just maybe, your ears aren't going to bleed from it and then BLAM! It gets stuck in your head and you're forced to hate yourself the rest of the day. And your ears end up bleeding anyway. Bastards.

Their new song is the worst, most despicably terrible song I've ever heard. As though the producers of the song KNEW that it sucked enormously, they amped up the music so much that the lyrics are pretty unintelligible. To whatever audio engineer made that decision, thank you. You've saved my brain some level of burning. Unfortunately, it's also clear that whomever wrote the song fancies themselves a clever lyricist by crafting the wholly nonsensical hook "This ain't a scene, it's a God-damned-arms-race." WTF? Seriously, WTF?

Now, if FAB (lame acronym also, FYI) were simply a one-hit wonder destined to live on in obscurity forever, I could live with that. For whatever reason however, it is as though the entire megalithic radio industry has conspired to push this shitty, shitty band 24-7. I love DC101, but enough. Enough. They're a crap band with crap music. No amount of "Meet the band" and "Win tickets" contests centered around FAB will EVER make them palatable. Ever.



On to my hatred of My Chemical Romance. Honestly, the only song I've heard repeatedly (and by repeatedly, I mean way too F***ing much) is "The Black Parade." It starts off OK, then totally disintegrates into a craptacular, overblown sophomoric rock song. Fair enough. My true reason for hating them is that I'm pretty sure these guys are 35, yet they're dressed up all goth-y all the time. Seriously. Let the angst go, dude...you're 35. It's time to move beyond your career at Hot Topic. I saw them accept some sort of MTV award this past year and it was then that I realized just how UNcool eyeliner is on someone in his 30's...unless you're Prince. Or that guy at the House of Guitars who has always worn eyeliner. He's pretty cool.

Anyway, upon reading their Wikipedia entry, I've found other reasons to hate them. First, they formed about a week after 9/11 as a way for the lead singer to work out his issues about the event. One more reason to hate terrorists. Additionally, they take inspiration from horror movies for their songs. Most people would think that that gives me a reason to like them rather than hate them, but no. Horror = good, Crappy songs that claim horror roots in an effort to reinforce a poseur goth image = not good. Not good at all.

So that's it. The fact that the recording industry has conspired to push these two terrible, terribly acts upon us night and day makes it clear how off-base the recording industry truly is. Additionally, I think the fact that these two acts are pretty much unavoidable at the moment makes a good case for them being horsemen of the apocalypse. Any other nominees? There are only four true horsemen, right?

Thursday, January 04, 2007

My Window on the World of Big-Time College Football

Hi everybody - I hope everyone had a chance to ring in the New Year in style...I certainly did. I went to Tampa, where I celebrated New Years' Eve at a nice Irish bar and New Years' Day by taking in the Outback Bowl. It was Penn State vs. Tennessee in the battle of the bloomin' onion, and by God Penn State beat the odds and won. All in all, it was an excellent time, yet it did open my eyes wide to the College Football Phenomenon (CFP for short).

I went to the University of Richmond. Our football team wasn't bad at all...in fact, Shawn Barber (my former next door neighbor) still plays in the NFL. I lived in an apartment between two apartments of football players my junior year and I remember one saying that he didn't care who he played on Saturday, he just liked the game. The guys on the team were pretty nice (those I met) and I never got the sense that they were too too into themselves as college football players.

Fast forward many years to the Outback Bowl. I knew in going that this was a big deal...bowl games are in general a big deal. I knew that there would be a huge, enthusiastic crowd, television coverage...the works. What I did not expect was the nearly cult-like devotion of some of these fans of the Nittany Lions. Seriously, I heard older guys questioning every play call, spouting things like, "Well, I wouldn't have called a screen there...I don't think #42 is strong on the left side, but you know...that's just me. Obviously, Joepa has it under control." Additionally, I met people who knew ever player's name, every number, every position...they practically had these players' girlfriends names memorized. They knew what each one looked like, even without numbers on. They knew what redshirted freshmen looked promising for 2007. Never in my life have I see such devotion to a team.

And honestly, there is a part of me that found it creepy. These are, after all, 18-22 year old college guys. Thirty+ year old fans were rushing to take pictures with them...women were fawning over which player was their "pretend" boyfriend. All in all, a little obesessive. It made me ponder a few things 1) how amazing it must be to be a player on a big college team 2) how in the hell do you keep from being an asshole when, at 19, you can claim to have "fans?" 3) what happens to the guys who have "fans" in college but never play beyond that? and 4) perhaps we've gone a little far with celebrity/sports hero worship. I have thought #4 all the time, but this whole experience just drove it home.

I am a big sports fan...but I don't get personally wrapped up in the heroes of my favorite teams. I did spend a large part of high school believing that the constant athlete worship in which my school indulged was a little much...but don't get me wrong, I think sports are important in a lot of ways. They teach great, great things such as teamwork and the importance and reward of working hard towards a goal. They promote physical fitness and in general are lots of fun (I play a few myself...ahem). Forbes published an article this week listing the 15 most valuable college football programs and how much those individual programs generate in revenue, not just for the athletic departments of the schools to which they belong but how much of that revenue gets funneled into academic scholarships as well and it was eye-opening. Every pseudo-intellectual a-hole who argues that college athetic programs are a huge waste should have to read it. Hell, I work in licensing, the industry that brings you every sports team t-shirt, hoody and beer coozy on the market. All in all, sports are a win for everyone (pun intended!).

At the same time, I can't help but think that it's a little crazy to dote upon what are, essentially, dopey college kids. They may be kick-ass athletes...but until they're drafted they're still dopey college kids in my eyes. Ironically enough, my grandfather was the QB for Penn State in the 30's and a college coach his entire professional career (mainly baseball). I think he would agree that that the worship factor is a little bizarre. Not that I support mooning over pro athletes any more than I support mooning over college ones or actors or any kind of celebrity worship in general. I guess I'm just not into that. It makes me wonder if there is a certain personality type prone to celebrity obession.
Anyway, getting away from the topic of athlete worship for a moment, I could see myself following college football a little closer next year. There is a passion in the game that I'd previously missed, and for opening my eyes to it I have both the Outback Bowl and Boise St. to thank. Now on to NCAA Basketball. Go DUKE!
**For the record, the friends I attended said game with aren't crazy at all...just big fans of their alma mater and (in two cases) their hometown college team. Go Penn State!