A Killer Piñata Movie...No, Really

I'll probably watch 15-20 horror movies in the two weeks surrounding Halloween. It's sort of my thing. Sure, I'll watch The Exorcist and Child's Play again for old time sake. They're classics! But every once in a while a movie comes along that makes you say to yourself "Wow. Just wow." My latest discovery is one of those movies...Piñata: Survival Island. Tagline: "A Weekend to Dismember."

This movie may, in fact, meet all of my criteria for what makes a good terrible movie. Recognizable stars? Yes, this stars Jamie Pressly and Nicholas Brendon (aka Zander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer). An intriguing backstory? And how. Many years ago, a small Mexican village fell on hard times. The town shaman, sure that the predicament was being caused by the transgressions of the villagers themselves, crafted a piñata out of clay and then "transfered" the bad mojo of the village and the villagers into the demonic-looking vessel then sent it down the river never to return, and prosperity returned to the town. Ah, I love happy endings. But wait...

That alone is a great beginning to a crazy bad movie, but this movie takes it a bit further with an even more fantastic present-day premise. Fast forward to 2001. A group of sorority girls and frat guys are taken to a tropical forest a short 20 mile boat ride off campus (?) to participate in an underwear scavenger hunt. Over 2,500 pairs of underwear are strung up all over the forest and the co-ed team of two that brings back the most will win $20,000 to be shared by their chapter houses and the charity of their choice (note to self: plan underwear scavenger hunt). In addition to a bounty of underwear, there are piñatas strung up all over the forest filled with "liquid refreshments," otherwise known as plastic airline bottles of booze (additional note to self: include booze-filled piñatas in underwear scavenger hunt plan). The scavenger hunt begins, and so does the evil piñata fun.

Each duo is actually handcuffed together for the scavenger hunt, which as a plot device only helps determine who is destined for an early, gory death at the hands of our not-as-fun-as-it-looks piñata. Within the first 15 minutes, we have a winner. It seems that Bob has keys to his team's cuffs, allowing them to split up and TOTALLY win the scavenger hunt. He also brought some weed to chill the scene out a bit. Lisa, his partner, drags an old piñata out of a crusty pond assuming it is from a previous year and they begin banging on it with a rock to see what fabu goodies might be inside. Unfortunately, they do not discover a bounty of mini-Sauza bottles. Instead, they manage to wake the evil mojo of hundreds of ancient villagers and simultanously animate the piñata itself. Said piñata (I'll call him Jorge from now on) then TOTALLY harshes Bob's mellow by bashing his head in.

At this point, the movie follows pretty standard supernatural slasher conventions. No one believes Lisa's story of a killer piñata, regardless of the fact that it bashed Bob's head in right in front of her in broad daylight. People are picked off one by one, splitting up proves to never be a good idea, etc. The only other really notable thing about this movie is that somewhere along the way, Jorge starts to fly. At some points, he looks a lot more like a dinosaur than a piñata and at others he looks like a terra cotta Slimer, making me think that the CGI in the film is a patchwork of models done for other projects rather than *gasp* original to this high-budget extravaganza. Regardless, he proves to be one nasty party accessory.

Sadly (for me), I really enjoyed Piñata: Survival Island. Jamie Pressly is entertaining, and since she's now quite sucessful on My Name is Earl, I hope she can look back on her days in movies about killer piñatas with fondness. I know that I would. And while I'll be sure not ruin the ending for you, rest assured, it ultimately takes much more than a blindfolded five-year old with a broom handle to take out good old Jorge.